I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I will pee on everything he values.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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