At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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