i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
