This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
