UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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