I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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