oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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