ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
