Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
