i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
