I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
