can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
