just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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