Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
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she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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