well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
