Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
