He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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