And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
