SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
