We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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