he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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