i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
