handjob tips. give me some.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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