I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
