So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
