Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
