im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
