I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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