I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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