I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
