just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
