Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
