I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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