So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
the raccoons are back...
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