I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
