Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
