If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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