im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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