I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize
