That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
50% drunk capacity currently
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
