So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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