We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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