i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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