The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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