I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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