mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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