i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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