literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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