I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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