he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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