420 ftw
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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