id be glad to
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
