why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
