your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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