I have demons in me.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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