ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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