you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
