I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
