She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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