sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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