I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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