Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
