I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
