Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
