I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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