Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
