do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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