dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
