You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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