Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Are we still banned from the library?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
