He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
love makes seman taste better
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
