May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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