and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
