Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
