They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
