I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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