Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We have so much sex to catch up on
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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