I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
