South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
