just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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